Posted by: OHgalinSoCal | May 17, 2013

I’m Not Going to Write You a Love Song

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To my dear, precious, blonde, dimply baby boy,

I love you. I love you no matter what. I love you to the moon and back. I love you through and through.

I would walk through fire for you. I would fight a mama grizzly bear for you. I would lift a car for you.

In the words of Kate Hudson’s character from “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, “I love ya Binky…..but I don’t have to like you right now”. And I kinda don’t. I’m kind of over you today.

I’m kinda over the fact that you keep making me peel bananas, and then don’t eat them. Not only do you not eat them, but you leave them in the couch cushions. I’m over the fact you keep asking for yogurt, but when I open them, you refuse to eat them. I’m over the fact that, when in the car, you request fishy crackers, and then when I hand you the snack cup, you throw them one by one all over the car.

I’m over you taking your water bottle, dumping it upside down in your lap, and then screaming and crying ’cause you’re all wet.

I don’t appreciate the fact that when leaving the gym this morning, you decided to scream like a howler monkey, go into a state rigor mortis and not sit in your carseat….all while 2 of my students looked on.

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I did not like that while changing your diaper, you decided to start flopping and flailing about like a fish out of water. Resulting in you getting poop all over you, the changing table, the wall….and me! Twice.

That little trick you pulled where you told me you had to go potty, sat on the potty, decided you were done sitting on the potty, then went and made pee-pee on my living room floor. Not a fan.

I really disliked that after picking up Big Brother from school, you decided to scare the bejeezus out of me, and those other 2 moms, by running into the street.

I really don’t appreciate that at the grocery store, while trying to put you in the cart, I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle as you demonstrated your super-human like strength, threw a mother of a tantrum and once again resorted back to that rigor mortis state you love so much. All which prompted that very nice, concerned policeman to inquire if everything was alright.

The peanut butter from your sandwich that you managed to get on my shirt, pants and the back of my arm- no thank you.

Today, you make me want to day-drink. But I know those moms at the playground would judge me for consuming naptime libations. Plus I have to stay sober so I can teach my 5:30pm class.

Instead, let’s agree to disagree today, and part ways for naptime. Maybe when you wake up all refreshed and happy (fingers crossed here!), we can hug it out and play that “Can’t we all just get along” game.

I know one day, we’ll reminisce about all this. We’ll sit around a holiday dinner, and recall this day and talk about how you deserve a pay-back child. And we’ll all laugh and laugh. Someday. Someday we’ll laugh about it. That day is not today.

Sincerely,

The Woman who let you live in her body for 9 months and loves you more than life itself,

~Mommy

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Responses

  1. Dang…..just….DANG! You should earn a medal for surviving today!


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